The Expendables 2 Game MINI-REVIEW

The Expendables 2 complete! This XBLA game takes roughly 10 hours to complete. It costs 1200MSP and comes with a total of 21 achievements and 400 gamerscore to be had. 

Note: You have to fully complete the game twice since the difficulties DO NOT stack.

I bought this game for a few reasons:

1) A friend asked me to play co-op with him (it features 4-player coop, which in most cases, is a great thing.)

2) It has Sly Stallone in it!

3) 400 Gamerscore

I went into this game 100% blind to what it was going to look or play like. It's just so bad that it's hard to express in words that are not the four-letter variety, ESPECIALLY for the asking price of $15! But I'll try my best.

Expendables 2 is the least interesting hybrid of a twin stick shooter/Light gun -like sequences of fail on the Xbox 360. More so a twin stick shooter but, hell, it might be the only hybrid of the sort, and I pray it stays that way.  The Light Gun sequences of fail are exactly that, FAIL, to the 9th power!! You're stuck with aiming a reticule around on the screen with your CONTORLLER while on rails or a set pathway. I don't even think you can die during these sections, and there are quite a few of them thrown into the mix for bad measure. The only possible way it could have been worse is if they tried to tack on Kinect Support. I really don't think I could have handled that on an emotional level.

Note to developers: Light Gun games SUCK without a light gun. Peanut Butter and Jelly is good, but not exactly desirable when the P or the J is missing in action. Make a game for a controller. Cool! Great! Make a game for Kinect. Yes! Exercise! Make a game that supports a Light Gun. Awesome! Light guns rock!! But damn you for designing a game and a good portion of its gameplay to work with a controller type that is not even the best option for the gameplay you created. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY???? I'll never understand this type of decision.

Gameplay is dung, graphics are crap, abilities/power-ups=super crap, voice acting is super-mega crapola on a stick! (Sly doesn't even voice his character *RAGE MODE ACTIVATED*) It had some potential but it was clearly slapped together to coincide with the release of the movie....without any regard for a smidgen of quality control.

I really wanted to like and support this game since I'm a big Stallone fan, but I cannot recommend this heap of vile to anyone.

Not even to those just looking to blow shit up.

Save your money and go watch the movie instead. That's most definitely cheaper IF you don't buy concessions.

Rating: 3/10
Expendable as can be.

Follow @stallion83

WP7 Reviews Tentacles and Sally's Salon

I didn't have time to try out Tentacles last week so I'm giving you a double post this week. Tentacles released on July 20th for $4.99 and Sally's Salon Luxury Edition released July 27th for $4.99. Impressions after the break.

Beards & Beaks Review (WP7)

This week on Windows Phone 7 marks the release of Microsofts first in house created and published Windows Phone game and with it comes a not so surprising twist. Read more after the break.

You Don't Know Jack Review

You Don't Know Jack is a throw back to the 1990's an edgy trivia game for the at the time cutting age PlayStation 1. A lot of things have changed over the last ten years since the last YDKJ was released. Does this franchise stand the test of time or is it another game that shouldn't have been resurrected? Should you fear the $30 price tag or should you embrace it? Find out after the break.

Need for Speed Hot Pursuit Super Sport Pack DLC Review

Yesterday marked the release of the first real downloadable content for our favorite racing game this year. The pack includes new achievements, new cars and new single player races but, is it worth your $7?

New Windows Phone Games Available 11/30/10

This week you can find "Fast and the Furious: Adrenaline" on the marketplace for $5

NBA Jam Review (Xbox 360)

Does EA’s resurrection of NBA Jam fill the void left by the cancellation of NBA Elite 11? Was EA Justified in taking a game that was supposed to ship free with Elite 11 and turning it into a $50 stand alone retail game? Does the old school game play hold up on today’s consoles? I’ll answer all these questions after the break.

Kinect Sports Review

Is Kinect Sports a must have for Microsoft’s shiny new Kinect sensor this holiday season. Or, is it just a rip of off the overly popular Wii Sports. How does it stack up against the other Sports titles on the market? Find out in our full review after the break.

Pac-Man Championship Edition DX Review

The sequel to the surprisingly strong Pac-Man Championship Edition flew under the radar and  is here. Does it once again reinvent the tried and true formula?

MotionSports Review

MotionSports is a kinect launch title made by Ubisoft Milan. It has six different sports to choose from. Horseback riding, hang gliding, boxing, soccer, football, and skiing. Sounds like a blast, but does it take home the gold?

Review: Backyard Sports: Rookie Rush

 Backyard  Sports Football: Rookie Rush is the sequel to one of the easiest gamerscore games found on the Xbox 360. You could literally get all the achievements in 10 minutes or less in the first one. How does Rookie Rush fair?

Review: The Biggest Loser: Ultimate Workout

Now whip it - into shape - shape it up

Kinect really does work and so does this game. However, there are a couple of problems with kinect itself and this particular game. You need a lot of room space to play kinect. The ideal amount would be 10 x 10 space. The perfect placement for kinect might also take some trial and error. I have my kinect sensor placed about 3 feet off of the ground and The Biggest Loser requires you to do floor exercises. I had a hard time getting kinect to track me while I was on all fours. Maybe not a deal buster, but it was frustrating during the challenge games.

The Biggest Loser also has a horrible menu system. I hope this is game specific menu fail, if not, every kinect game is going to be a pain to navigate. It will take you a good 20 minutes to figure out what is going on, which is unacceptable. I felt blind for those first 20 minutes.

You start the game out by doing a training lesson with a virtual trainer to see how fit you are. It will then recommend the difficulty you should proceed at. The difficulty ranges from light, moderate, challenging, hard, or intense. You can also setup your exercise program to target specific areas of your body. Arms and chest, core, butt, legs, or full body. After you do that, you will go into this full body scan mode. It basically gets your measurements which you can tune afterwards if something is off. Supposedly you can go back and get your body scanned again. That way it can tell if your body shape has improved.

No Longer An Arbitrary Number, Stallion83 Does Reviews

It was only a matter of time before I put all that game playing to use.  My review scores will be carefully calculated with a lot of different elements in mind. One being every other game out there for comparison sake.  I believe I have a good feel for games across the spectrum. So it's easy for me to distinguish the horrible from the bad, the decent from the good, or the  great from the amazing better than most since I do play everything. Not just play, but play them to death.  Don't expect long winded write ups. Straight and to the point is what it's all about here. Most people only look at the scores anyway and nowadays people like short and sweet.  A game should be judged by how well it is in this day and age and how well it stacks up to the competition.  Who is better equipped to cover the whole spectrum?

You are still getting one man's opinion, of course, but from a man who plays everything.